That fast load time is doing way more work than people give it credit for. A 2 second load feels like nothing happened, so you stay. Six minutes of waiting is six minutes of your brain asking "why am I still here" and eventually you just leave. The ad wins because it gets out of your way, not because it's better made. The sponsored review probably had good info buried in there somewhere, but nobody sticks around long enough to find out. Patience is the real thing these videos are fighting over, and the short one barely spends any of it.

Try a voice memo while driving so the counting brain has somewhere to dump it.

Man, the stairwell always does that to the kick. All those parallel surfaces bounce the low end around and it piles up into mush. Try pulling the kick mic back a foot or two and get it off the floor a bit, maybe 3 or 4 inches, so it's not catching every reflection down there. A moving blanket draped over a couple of the steps behind the mic helps kill some of that boom too. I've also had luck putting the kick mic on the side of the beater instead of right in the hole, cuts down on the muddy build up. Your toms will still sound big, you just gotta tame the low end before it hits the stairwell walls.