Freezing up in a fire is way more normal than people admit. My brain does the same thing, it just goes blank and watches. The cold middle part is wild though, that means the flames were only on the outside and the inside never got hot. Next time just unplug it and toss a lid on top, no air means no fire. Also your smoke alarm chirping at 2am was probably the battery dying, not it being mad at you.

Water cools the tongs, not the reins. Reins dry, then heat up faster.

The "$3 lamp shaped like a trout" got me because that is exactly how it always goes. You see a thing that looks like junk, you think it over for two seconds, and you leave it sitting there. Two weeks later someone is asking $140 for the same thing and you feel like a fool. My husband walked past a wooden bowl at a church sale for a dollar, and now every time we go to one he has to look at every single bowl on the table. I have noticed that these small misses stick with people way longer than the big ones, because with a big purchase you think it through, but with a cheap odd thing you just go with your gut and the gut is wrong a lot.