Grain direction bit me too, on a set of wedding invites that warped after a week. I used to figure paper was paper, but now I flip every sheet before it hits the cutter. It's one of those things you can't unsee once you know.

That grey paste is grit and old lube, the scrubber just smears it around.

Nope, hard disagree on this one. Oven bacon comes out flat and kinda steamed, and you lose that crispy edge you get when it hits hot cast iron. The splatter and the grease pops are just part of the deal, and honestly that sizzle is half the point. Standing there for ten minutes is not a big ask when the payoff is bacon that actually tastes right. You do get to walk away, sure, but you also get a sheet pan full of grease that's a pain to clean and bacon that's just okay. I'll keep my skillet.