Spent 4 years writing dialogue that nobody would actually say out loud... until my cousin pointed it out

I was at a family BBQ last summer and my cousin (who's a bartender) asked if he could read one of my short stories. He got about 3 pages in and goes "dude, nobody talks like this in real life." He was right. I had characters saying full paragraphs of perfect exposition, no ums, no interruptions, no awkward pauses. Real people talk in fragments, they cut each other off, they say wrong words. So now I sit in coffee shops and literally write down how strangers talk to each other. It's messy but way more authentic. How did you figure out you were doing something wrong in your writing? What tipped you off?

2 comments

2 Comments

eric_carr10d ago

@xena_williams I think you nailed it with the "you know" thing. The thing people miss is that real dialogue isnt just about fragments or interruptions. Its about showing where the relationship between the speakers is at. Your cousin reading your stuff and cringing is exactly how most of us learn. I had a writing teacher tell me once that people use language as a weapon or a shield way more than they use it to share information. Listen to a couple arguing at Denny's sometime. They'll talk in circles, repeat themselves, argue about what the other person "really meant" by something that was said 5 minutes ago. Thats real talk. Not polished exposition. There is always subtext, a hidden fight or a silent agreement underneath the actual words coming out. If you just transcribe what people say, you get the surface. You need to capture why they said it.

xena_williams11d ago

Three pages in and he clocked it... that's brutal but exactly what you needed to hear. That coffee shop trick is solid, overhearing real rhythm like people saying "stuff" instead of "things" or trailing off with "you know?